Hey recently I got ComicRack and now I've been reading graphic novels for free. It gives me something to do. Anyways let me get to my emotional gay (no homo) side. It really sucks when people that you care about prove that they dont care about you.
Like even if the whole world cares about you, as long as that person that you care about doesn't care about you, everything sucks.
I HATE EVERYONE!!! (except my mom sometimes)
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
My Morticia (all gayness doesn't count in this blog)
Have you ever wondered if you would ever meet someone to understand you? well maybe you have not, but I have and I found her. The greatest person in the world. I never want to be without her. Even when I pass away I will wait no matter where I am for her; so that we can hang out. She's the only one I know that stays up as late as I do and she's the only one that watches Korean movies. A lot of other people (girls and guys) have said that I was weird, because I like Korean films, but this awesome person doesn't. Instead of saying I'm weird she joined in with me. She does art with me, she contemplates existence with me and she hangs out with me. She's great, but under all this greatness she has a horrible side to her also.
The other day I was making a big dinner, because she was suppose to be coming over. So I started cooking really early, because i was making steak and it needed to marinade. Then I spent most of the day cooking and when it was finally time for her to come....she didn't show up. We gave her time and after about 10 minutes I called her. I found out after calling her that she was going to be gay and not come. This was completely unexpected and I was kind of mad for about a day and then I got over it.
Sometimes I wish the whole world was like her and everyone would be happy. She is my favorite person. She is my Morticia Addams and maybe if she would of picked up her phone the other day I might be Gomez, but for now I'll remain as cousin It.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Girls Don't Call--actually they do...
I almost did the most stupidest thing in the world. The only thing that stopped me from doing it was the fact that the opportunity did not present itself. Now I'm not even interested in doing it any more. If she had only called me then it would of happened. In the end I would of felt really stupid or I would of been in a really bad situation. Maybe if I was Gomez things would of turned out differently, but I'm just cousin it.
"Girls just don't understand the importance of a phone call." That's what most guys would say to each other when a female that they like doesn't call them. The truth is that girl's do understand the importance of a phone call. If they aren't calling you, its not that they're not into talking on the phone, it's that they just don't like you. When a girl likes a guy, trust me, they call. I've talked to multiple women that at one time or another told me they weren't into using the phone. They spoke to me on the phone everyday though. That's because they liked me. Now when this girl didn't call me back I decided not to ask her to be my girlfriend.
I am really not important to her because if I was she would of remembered me, she would of thought about me and I would of recieved a call. It wasn't like I called her and got her voice mail. No. I actually spoke to her and she said she would call me back. So that is enough evidence for me to conclude that she is obviously not interested in me. Right at this point guys always go wrong. We start to rationalize and come up with reasons why they didn't call and then we just keep trying until we're wrapped around their finger. While we're wrapped around their finger not only do they have complete control over us but whenever they want they can just crush us.
This girl actually never calls me and for a while I came up with reasons why not. I had to finally accept the truth after she didn't call me back yesterday. I tried to come up with excuses, but they all point to the fact that she doesn't like me. So I just accept it and move on. I'm one of those guys that will still chase after a girl even if she rejected me, but if she shows me that she has no interest in me what so ever, i'll simple move on. This is actually the first girl that i've liked in like a year. So I sat in the bathroom thinking of different scenarios and what cool/smooth lines I would say to ask her out. In the end I chose to just ask her if she was interested in having a boyfriend. Then I was going to say well I know this guy who would be great for you. She would of been like "who" and I really didn't think of what i could say after that. If I said "me" that would of been really corny. Now that I think about it all the lines were corny so its a good thing that i didn't say them.
That's why you have to, right at the point that you realize she's not into, not rationalize. This is crucial to your future feelings. You have to just accept that they don't like you and move on. Don't be a babyass and think that they'll change their minds; it's not going to happen. Women rarely change their minds. I plan on taking my own advice. I plan on moving on as soon as possible. I use the word "plan", because I still have a tiny bit of feelings for this chick, but i won't call her or hang out with her for atleast a couple days. While I am not calling or hanging out with her i will make sure i surround myself with multiple women and by the next time I talk to her I doubt that'll like her at all.
"Girls just don't understand the importance of a phone call." That's what most guys would say to each other when a female that they like doesn't call them. The truth is that girl's do understand the importance of a phone call. If they aren't calling you, its not that they're not into talking on the phone, it's that they just don't like you. When a girl likes a guy, trust me, they call. I've talked to multiple women that at one time or another told me they weren't into using the phone. They spoke to me on the phone everyday though. That's because they liked me. Now when this girl didn't call me back I decided not to ask her to be my girlfriend.
I am really not important to her because if I was she would of remembered me, she would of thought about me and I would of recieved a call. It wasn't like I called her and got her voice mail. No. I actually spoke to her and she said she would call me back. So that is enough evidence for me to conclude that she is obviously not interested in me. Right at this point guys always go wrong. We start to rationalize and come up with reasons why they didn't call and then we just keep trying until we're wrapped around their finger. While we're wrapped around their finger not only do they have complete control over us but whenever they want they can just crush us.
This girl actually never calls me and for a while I came up with reasons why not. I had to finally accept the truth after she didn't call me back yesterday. I tried to come up with excuses, but they all point to the fact that she doesn't like me. So I just accept it and move on. I'm one of those guys that will still chase after a girl even if she rejected me, but if she shows me that she has no interest in me what so ever, i'll simple move on. This is actually the first girl that i've liked in like a year. So I sat in the bathroom thinking of different scenarios and what cool/smooth lines I would say to ask her out. In the end I chose to just ask her if she was interested in having a boyfriend. Then I was going to say well I know this guy who would be great for you. She would of been like "who" and I really didn't think of what i could say after that. If I said "me" that would of been really corny. Now that I think about it all the lines were corny so its a good thing that i didn't say them.
That's why you have to, right at the point that you realize she's not into, not rationalize. This is crucial to your future feelings. You have to just accept that they don't like you and move on. Don't be a babyass and think that they'll change their minds; it's not going to happen. Women rarely change their minds. I plan on taking my own advice. I plan on moving on as soon as possible. I use the word "plan", because I still have a tiny bit of feelings for this chick, but i won't call her or hang out with her for atleast a couple days. While I am not calling or hanging out with her i will make sure i surround myself with multiple women and by the next time I talk to her I doubt that'll like her at all.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Fishing for not only complements but also attention
Everyday, every minute, every second i get closer to death. Death to me means loneliness. I've created this blog to help me keep a journal kind of. I don't expect anyone to read it but i don't really care. I will write a journal also but sometimes I just like to type. Today I feel like crap.
Actually lately I've been frequently feeling like crap. I'm not going to put this into any poetic form or try to express through any other means. I'm going to be honest. I FEEL LIKE CRAP. I feel meaningless. I feel as though I have no purpose and no one cares for me. I hate death because I hate to be lonely and right now i feel lonely.
Right i need attention. I know it's pathetic but I just get like this. It might because I've been single for two years or maybe it's just because of the hormonal unbalance that teenagers go through. Now your probably wondering why have i been single for so long. If I knew you personally and you asked me I would tell you it was by choice but that would be a complete lie. I haven't been single by choice.
I've been single because nobody wants me. Sometimes I wonder why not, but that wondering is of no significance, because at the end of the day still no one wants me. Its not that I'm too unattractive, because of several occasions females have expressed to me that they would like to have sex with me. Actaully, now that I think about it; they may have just wanted to take my virginity. Yes I'm still a virgin, but anyway I don't get it.
It's not just the fact that i have no girlfriend that i feel like crap. It's also the fact that the females that are close to me like a girlfriend would be have no interest in me. It's quite sad. I'll be over this fact soon. Actually I'll be over this pathetic depressing stage soon. I don't usually get down but when i do it's bad. Anyway I need to get back to the fact that no one finds me a
attractive. I may be physically attractive, but I know for sure that my personality is not. The fact that I haven't had a girlfriend in two years is proof.
It's not just love that puts me down. Its also the fact that when i sign on aim no one IMs me. I feel as though I have a disease that can be caught through the internet. But I don't. I'm just a normal guy that does normal things. Then when IM people they don't even respond and this really bothers me. Also there were a couple of people taht didn't want to hang out with me this week. They came up with some horrible excuses and that makes me feel even worse. Why doesn't anyone want to hang out with me? I do fun stuff. I don't care. Also music puts me down and lately i been listening to sad music and it's been putting me down also.
I feel like melting and falling apart. I feel as though no one cares at all. I feel as though I in a dark place alone just listening to the most sad music ever. I want to cry but it's almost impossible. I didn't even cry for my grand mother's death and maybe that fact is what is preventing me from crying at anything. I think that I feel as though if I'm going to cry then it has to be sadder then the fact that my grandmother died. That fact is extremely sad none of you will understand because it is subjective. Not everyone is close with their grandmother and I should of expected her to die soon anyway, because she was old; that's probably what your thinking. But you would be wrong, because I loved her so much and I was young and I never thought she would die.
Anyway thanks for reading this pathetic piece of crap it has actually really made me feel better. I'd appreciate it if you laugh at me instead of thinking I'm pathetic, but you probably won't. Actually doubt anyone will even read this whole thing. Well this post was fun to write and it has been very random but i feel better now. I'm also pretty sure that I'm gramatically incorrect a lot in this post also. Anyway Gnite Journal.
Actually lately I've been frequently feeling like crap. I'm not going to put this into any poetic form or try to express through any other means. I'm going to be honest. I FEEL LIKE CRAP. I feel meaningless. I feel as though I have no purpose and no one cares for me. I hate death because I hate to be lonely and right now i feel lonely.
Right i need attention. I know it's pathetic but I just get like this. It might because I've been single for two years or maybe it's just because of the hormonal unbalance that teenagers go through. Now your probably wondering why have i been single for so long. If I knew you personally and you asked me I would tell you it was by choice but that would be a complete lie. I haven't been single by choice.
I've been single because nobody wants me. Sometimes I wonder why not, but that wondering is of no significance, because at the end of the day still no one wants me. Its not that I'm too unattractive, because of several occasions females have expressed to me that they would like to have sex with me. Actaully, now that I think about it; they may have just wanted to take my virginity. Yes I'm still a virgin, but anyway I don't get it.
It's not just the fact that i have no girlfriend that i feel like crap. It's also the fact that the females that are close to me like a girlfriend would be have no interest in me. It's quite sad. I'll be over this fact soon. Actually I'll be over this pathetic depressing stage soon. I don't usually get down but when i do it's bad. Anyway I need to get back to the fact that no one finds me a
attractive. I may be physically attractive, but I know for sure that my personality is not. The fact that I haven't had a girlfriend in two years is proof.
It's not just love that puts me down. Its also the fact that when i sign on aim no one IMs me. I feel as though I have a disease that can be caught through the internet. But I don't. I'm just a normal guy that does normal things. Then when IM people they don't even respond and this really bothers me. Also there were a couple of people taht didn't want to hang out with me this week. They came up with some horrible excuses and that makes me feel even worse. Why doesn't anyone want to hang out with me? I do fun stuff. I don't care. Also music puts me down and lately i been listening to sad music and it's been putting me down also.
I feel like melting and falling apart. I feel as though no one cares at all. I feel as though I in a dark place alone just listening to the most sad music ever. I want to cry but it's almost impossible. I didn't even cry for my grand mother's death and maybe that fact is what is preventing me from crying at anything. I think that I feel as though if I'm going to cry then it has to be sadder then the fact that my grandmother died. That fact is extremely sad none of you will understand because it is subjective. Not everyone is close with their grandmother and I should of expected her to die soon anyway, because she was old; that's probably what your thinking. But you would be wrong, because I loved her so much and I was young and I never thought she would die.
Anyway thanks for reading this pathetic piece of crap it has actually really made me feel better. I'd appreciate it if you laugh at me instead of thinking I'm pathetic, but you probably won't. Actually doubt anyone will even read this whole thing. Well this post was fun to write and it has been very random but i feel better now. I'm also pretty sure that I'm gramatically incorrect a lot in this post also. Anyway Gnite Journal.
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